One of the biggest and, perhaps, scariest moments in a father’s life is when their daughter brings home a boyfriend for the very first time. It might be hard to resist the urge to throw this guy out of the house as soon as you see him, but that is not the route you want to go, not without a good reason, anyway. You have to make sure that your daughter’s new boyfriend is right for her, without interfering too much in the relationship and driving your daughter away from you. If the guy is no good, she will see it eventually, with a little help from her father.
If this new boyfriend is no good for her, allow him to show that himself without consistently telling your daughter. Just remain on your daughter’s side and keep giving her your support as he continues to be a bad boyfriend again and again. For example, if she gets stood up on a date, you can make the comment that he is unreliable. When your daughter begins to see problems with her new boyfriend, you can point out his flaws gently, while remaining on your daughter’s side and not becoming the enemy.
Also, your daughter needs to be taught what is and is not appropriate behavior in this situation. Make sure you set down proper guidance so that your daughter has an idea on how she should be treated by her boyfriend and how she should approach the relationship. Help her build up her self esteem and confidence so that no boy can try to define her. Also, be a good dad to talk to when the going gets rough; if you show your daughter that you will always listen to her with an open mind and heart instead of shouting and screaming “I knew he was not right for you!” or the like, they will be more likely to listen to what you have to say. Have her set a clear guideline for what is and is not acceptable boyfriend material as well. Too often, young women lower their standards too much because they are “desperate” and pressured by their friends and the media into finding a boyfriend. Most importantly, be clear with your expectations about any boyfriend she brings home. Let her know where you stand on teen sex and other similar issues, and if you do not know where you stand, then you need to figure that out and tell your daughter immediately.
A knee-jerk reaction to just about any boy becoming close in your daughter’s life is one of concern, and this is ok and perfectly natural. After all, you as a father only want the best for “daddy’s little girl.” Keep an open and clear mind and be supportive of your daughter as she begins dating and bringing home boyfriends. When she finds a keeper, she will know, and you will know, and eventually you will trust him enough to be able to take great care of your daughter.
